« Dear Mom, Dear Dad,

Never forget that I am your child. Now you do not live together anymore, but I need one as well as the other.

Do not ask me if I love more one or the other. I love you both equally. Do not criticize each other in front of me. Because it hurts me.

Help me keep in touch with whom I’m not with. Dial his/her phone number for me or write me his/her address on an envelope. Help me for Christmas or on another occasion like birthdays  for buying  gifts. With the photos, always do a copy for the other.

Talk as adults. But talk really. And do not use me as an envoy between you – even less for messages that will make the other sad or angry.

Don’t be sad when I go to the other’s home. You should not think that I will love you less when I leave for few days. I will always prefer being with you both. But I can’t cut myself in half – only because our family is torn.

Never plan anything for me during the time when I’m with the other. Part of my time is my mom and me,  part of my time is my Dad and me. Be sympathetic.

Don’t be surprised or angry when I’m with the other and I don’t give news. I have two houses now. And I have to distinguish them – otherwise I will be in trouble. Do not pass me to another, at the door of the house, like a parcel. Invite the other for a short time inside and talk. When you pick me up or take me back, let me some time with both of you. Do not wreck this moment with your anger or arguing.

Let someone else bring me back from the nursery school or from friends place if you can’t stand seeing the other.

Do not argue in front of me. Be at least as polite as you would with other people, as you also require this from me.

Do not tell me things that I still can’t understand. Discuss with other adults, but not with me.

Let me bring my friends in both places. I wish they could know my Mom and my Dad and find them cool.

Find an agreement about the money. I do not want that one will have a lot of money and the other few. It’s got to be good for both, so I can be comfortable with both of you.

Don’t try to outdo the other else. Anyway, I could never eat all the chocolate I want.

Tell me honestly if that happens that you are not able to balance the budget. For me, time is more important than money. I enjoy much more with a simple and funny toy rather than a new toy.

Do not always be « active » with me. This shouldn’t be always something crazy or new when you do something with me. For me, the best part is when we are just happy playing together and in a quiet mood.

Let as far as possible things identical in my life as it was before the separation. It starts with my bedroom, but also with the little things I did with my Dad and my Mom separately.

Be kind to grandparents. They love me and I love them, they also want to be on my side. You also would be at my side if I was not in a good mood/shape! I don’t want to lose my grandparents as well.

Be « fair play » with the new companion of the other I also have to get on with them. I prefer when you don’t spy on the other with jealousy. It would be better for me if you met both quickly someone you loved. So, you won’t be angry on towards each other.

Be optimistic.

You didn’t manage your couple, but let us at least the time for the next step to happen on a good way.

Read again all my requests

Perhaps you will talk about. But you do not argue. Do not use my requests to blame each other, so badly that the other could be with me or that you believe so.

If you don’t do that, you will not understand how I feel and what I need to feel happy. « 

Une réflexion sur “20 DEMANDS FROM A CHILD


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